my last bike ride was on thanksgiving morning. i rode to the alberston’s grocery store around the corner, just beyond the freeway, to grab the turkey i principally refused to buy at super target. i also picked up a cabernet sauvignon and a chardonnay, one large and one small foil baking pan (for the turkey and the macaroni & cheese, respectively), and a few other last minute things, loaded them into my backpack and the 2 plastic bags on my handle bars and peddled home like i was in a real city. as usual, i rode up the slight incline just behind my stairwell and let the bike coast down the small hill into its usual spot in the cubby underneath the stairs, then spent the rest of the day in my 2nd floor apartment--cooking, cleaning, preparing for guests, hosting and being thankful for it all. after awakening from a 2-day food/family/movie coma on saturday, my son asked if he could show his visiting uncle how well he had mastered racing in, out and around the cul-de-sac on his new bike. that’s when we realized... his bike and my mountain bike had been stolen.
it felt like such a violation. and the way i was feeling when i realized the theft… let’s just say he/she who feels a few bucks richer from their pawn sale or 2 christmas presents closer to completing gift lists should be most thankful this holiday that i didn't catch him/her in the act. (people still steal things? haven’t we evolved as a species?) i mean, sure… i stole a pair of earrings from macy’s when i was 14 (sorry you had to find out this way, daddy). i’ve claimed "reparations" on the mechanical pencils or the papermate pens i’ve gotten from work. but bike stealing? i feel so disillusioned by my own quest for better personhood. you know… connectivity with my fellow wo/man. this violation after an entire weekend’s worth of discussion about faith in humanity, quantum physics (which i am completely intrigued by now) and karma. i mean, all you have to do these days is into the radio for a quick lesson (thank you alicia keys). i can't help but wonder what karmic repercussion is this for me? what payback from the universe is this? i had better get to work on repairing any fissures in my own karmic fabric, just in case. no more papermates and pencils for me? (had i taken that many?) at the same time, i am also trying to swallow/exhale… it’s just a bike.
and then there is the play button in my head i keep searching for so that i can hear, in my own words, all of the lectures i have prepared or doled out to my children about people being fundamentally good and how desperation pushes people to desperate measures (i.e., “looters” in new orleans). or the lecture about leading by example… that’s a good one. how about the one that talks about having mercy on people who don’t know how to be any better than they are. that’s the one i’m searching for in my mental archives.
the interesting thing was that my son, who at six is fit-prone and learning to reroute his anger/frustration about my separation and divorce from his dad, didn’t skip a beat. at the realization that his new bike had been stolen, he said, “that’s okay mommy. i’ll ride my old bike.” he pulled out his old, miniature mountain bike, hopped on and huffed it in, out and around the cul-de-sac like he intended. yes, people… i am taking notes. (it's just a bike.)
other than this pain of losing, my thanksgiving was… well… wonderful. my brother and my sister-in-law (his wife) were in town, along with my other mother (who is really his mother/my dad’s second wife of three). my brother and sis-in-law are contemplating austin as their next place of residence so they took the time to house-shop. my mother found closure and healing of old, old wounds which was beautiful to witness. i got calls from several of my favorite people, hung out with some of my beautiful sistafriends and actually saw movies that had no cartoon characters or G ratings. (highly recommend: “Rent,” “What In The Bleep Do We Know,” and “Jarhead.”)
aside from that, her are a few things i am thankful for...
desire and DESIRE
did I say love?
beaucoup d’amour, mes amis…