Tuesday, October 17, 2006

a few pix i stole from mandy's blog...

I never upload photos properly. either they are too large for blogger or they are too small to see anything. so i'm attaching these of the beautiful large group, of my roomies (randall, manda and curtis) at "samiya-miya's" house, and of me posing with LL's "round the way girl" song in my head. let me redirect you to manda-manda's and reggie harris's blogs. they have better postings. again, you might also check my myspace. i have better luck uploading there. there are also many, many photos on snapfish. give me a holler and i'll let you view them if you are interested. read the blog below for details on the trip. more soon...
coffee... check. english muffin... check. memories... check!

my flight left new york's jfk airport at 7:55am yesterday, though i had been up, packing and traveling to the airport since 5am. i landed in austin at 11am, give or take. my mother in her usual excitement and worry, waded through passengers and luggage near the baggage claim, waiting to hear every detail of what she KNEW would be an exciting trip. but i hit the ground running because my job didn't have a sub for me and my son's class had their annual music recital immediately after i picked them up from after-school care. after dinner and homework, i got online long enough to read a few emails then returned a couple of phone calls. by about 11:30pm, (which in real-people time is like 8:30pm, give or take), i knocked out.

i've been crafting my to do list since i got back and getting all of these things done, in this week, will be no small fete. unpack. catch up on the graphic design and film projects that have been impatiently awaiting my return. blog. check for new myspace friends. read random poems from the books i purchased this weekend; cave canem's gathering ground (FINALLY) and the cc 10x10 poetry series, tyehimba jess's leadbelly and afaa michael weaver's multitudes. make a go at compiling the poems for "conversations..." return a few more phonecalls. send emails. FINALLY mail the thank you cards from my birthday celebration. and if there is any time/energy left, wash a few loads of clothes. so i promised myself to keep this entry brief, lasting only as long as this mug of my favorite puerto rican coffee and my buttery (not margariney) whole wheat muffin with blackberry jam.

what i will say about the weekend is that seeing all of the beautiful women and men of cave canem again was beyond beautiful. beyond amazing. beyond inspiring. so, rather than writing anymore narrative about the weekend, or trying to name all of the people, places, spaces, i have attempted a (PARTIAL) list of people, places, spaces i am indebted to and grateful for:

hugo, the towncar driver
sushi, like raw delicious exquisitely crafted poems
my little sister devouring sushi like poems she's never read
reunions of self with selves
dante's cravat and velvet smoking jacket
remika and samiya
the cocoon of samiya's bed and down bedding
cheap chinese food
dave chappelle's block party
central park
cuny, st. mark's, the schomburg and the lgbt center
poets piled in bruised and battered lincolns passing for taxis
fierce cc faculty and fellow readings
poets in parks for pictures
pilfered purple and white perennials
conversations over fried spring rolls and coconut soup in chichi restaurants about the poetics of fucking
mandy's matrix
doug kearney and holly bass in the groove of any beyonce or prince song
chocolate and vanilla ice cream cake
corona longnecks and shots of "fingernail polish remover" (LOL)
japanese kanji symbols
the woman from jersey on the subway
meat patties, fried cheese and casava
the woman afraid of black people in the subway station
the man with the afro and white velcro shoes
reggie harris's resume
natives (the restaurant) and plantains
da riddem of any linton kwesi johnson poem
baraka's pointer finger
tara betts, "sweetie bubus" and multi-linguality
reheated meat patties, fried cheese and casava
hugo, the towncar driver
the man who moved me beyond the security line at jfk
jet blue
my momma for the birthday gift of the airline ticket that took me to nyc

my coffee and muffin are long cold and gone, respectively, which means i spent far more time in this space than intended. i am in search of pictures to accompany the memories so if you have any, send them... PLEASE. you might also check out amanda's blog. (my favorite picture is my black girl pose... standing on the stoop of samiya's apartment while thinking, "sittin'-on-a-busstop-suckin'-on-a-lollipop...") i have my own set from a throw-away camera that (with any luck and consciousness) will be put into the shop, developed and uploaded by week's end. (we'll see... check back.)

enuff for now, m'loves. i am trying to regain my footing from this wonderfully beautiful and complex weekend. wish me luck...

always love,

Monday, October 09, 2006

i'm back though a bit out of sorts...

i haven't written a poem in weeks, maybe months by now. (i wanna be ric williams when i grow up. he writes daily.) my horoscope keeps saying something brilliant is supposed to come outta me sometime soon. (fingers drumming on the table of my mind.) i'm trying to be patient. i am happy about getting back to this space, though. it helps. lately, life has been a reel of wonderful and amazing events that i have had no time to translate. i guess the beautiful inevitability, though, is that i preserve that thing that manages to get lost in the telling. so i move through the days with the knowing of these things in my breath, heart and memory.

my birthday made clear so many wonderful and painful things that age and change always manage to illuminate. but the rays of light shone through in some of the most beautiful spirits i am privileged to know. so my deep, sincere, loving thanks to mommaggievaldeneasarahjathiaclaudiarachelmeregizzyfrancis for bringing and sharing so much of yourselves to the ringing in of my 36th year. and MAD LOVE to firesong for the gift of your hands and the paint that made beautiful faces moreso. i am grateful... i am grateful... (pictures are coming soon.)

our new home (*smile, wipe tear, sniff*) welcomed it's share of guests these past 10 days; in honor of my birthday and because the universe made it so. denea started the propulsion of the revolving door, whipping in and out of austin from houston for my birthday and some sistafriend time. (denea, if you are reading this... we GOTTA make it more than 12 hours next time, girlfriend.) but she's the kinda friend that hours feel like years, so in our case, we feel like we've known each other WAY longer than our meeting at VONA in june. on my actual birthday (October 1st), sweetie bubu arrived just in time to make good things better and turn the flat tire we got on the way back from the airport into an adventure. his visit, this time sunday to wednesday morning, just didn't seem enough time to make up for what's not present the months in between. but i'll take a quick visit over the phone calls any day. so, again, i am grateful. no doubt the quality of our time was great enough to hold me until the next visit. (i'tll have to.) finally, my "bestest" friend since 8th grade (chawa) made her entrance just as bubu left which made bubu's and my departure drier than times prior. "chawa" and i kicked it retro in the 5 days she was here which gave me back pieces of myself that i hadn't realized were lost. she's the friend i went through my first boyfirend and kiss with; debarge and luther; the snatchback/asymmetric hairdo and washington dances. i swear i thought we were the same person until... well... we still lapse into moments of confused identity. (i am she... she is me...)

chawa left on sunday and my world is back to the quiet wonder of what it was. i am FINALLY checking email regularly again and completely and fully (p)re-occupied with my children, my momma and the ever-challenging world of kids at wooten; trying not to be desperate or too needy for all of the people i know here with their own lives to keep them busy (working from home can do that to you); trying not to sit at this computer and work myself into a coma; trying to be present and appreciative of each joint in each finger that clicks each key; trying and trying and so on... and so on...

before i go... i MUST wish a public happy (belated) birthday to my sister, Maisha (September 29th) and my brother, Saleem (September 30th) whose experiences have taken them to georgia and china, respectively. i feel like i have fought for so many years for my actual birthday to be acknowledged (on Oct. 1st, the last in the 3-day shabazz-birthday-palooza) that i realize each year we are not together, how very much i miss them. what i wouldn't have given to have a big cake with all of our names on it. so much love... so little time. shout to the abundance of virgo/libra/scorpios i know who have been/will be celebrating... CHEERS!

always love,