Wednesday, June 29, 2005

this is my first blog (yes, i am a blog-virgin), so forgive its immaturity and imperfections. but like all of the other blog-curious writers finding their ways to these spaces, i have been horny for this "blogging" and needing to liberate myself from this longing. so here i am, blog-world! and i am in fine, fine company so i pray i don't waste these breaths with pantings and hyperventilative gibberish posing as entries, exasperated and short of patience, like pen-can't-move-fast-enough, keys-aren't-clicking-quick-enough babblings about the world (the way i do in the pages of my many journals). but even those have been dry of ink lately, which means i am either seriously constipated or hiding from myself. maybe bloggin can help me figure that out.

my days are longer since graduating from my beloved cave canem ( which you are certain to hear more about if you pop into these pages every now and again. finding relief that doesn't leave me hung over or in some space of regret (which i try never to do) is a task these days. re-entry is a bitch. (mad love to the beautiful flowering of CC 3rd year faces on this page! still cravin'!)

a post cave canem X lamentation

"I am no one again
Again I am no one
No one again am I
I am no one again.

I am not free again
Again I am not free
Free, I am not
I am not free again.”
- Laurie Carlos

there is no parade of sun-soaked daylilies
trumpeting me, bowing in perfumed breeze
like faithful lovers longing for attention.

there are no rooms filled with butterflies
fluttering in the muse of word and rhythm
hearkening my late night, first morning poems.

there are no fried chicken bones to gnaw
no watermelon rinds to suck clean of red and juice
no soul train lines for shimmy or harlem shake.

at the center of this cog
amid endless rows of metal frames and padded walls
where artificial air turns bodies cold
hums an elegy for the living
who shuffle from tasks to terminal,
there is only memory.

thank you roger for the challenge to write that. big luv to CC for your insight and feeback... Lenard... it's getting there...) maybe i'll share the next draft. not exactly sure where it will go. but you are right, it, the act of writing it, helps my spirit's journey to wholeness.

okay, i am high right now on this whole blog thing but i also realize the time and that functioning with the "normals" requires sleep. so i'll retire to do that for now. but i must write about the brilliantly inspiring collective i was with tonight. yes, in austin. more, more, so much more... soon, loves...