Friday, December 30, 2005

5-4-3-2-1... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
should old acquaintence be forgot... or at least forgiven in the new year!!!

well, we made it... another year and hopefully we are all wiser; learned all of the lessons of 2005 well enough that we won't have to experience them again. as per my usual, i am writing out my goals for the new year. and i will be better this time (i promise myself) so that by december next year, i won't do my annual scramble in the last 30 days to complete the list of things i failed to do in the eleven months prior. (i am wiser now... right?) admittedly, many of the goals are similar, if not identical to last year's. lose 10 pounds (guess i didn't learn that lesson well enough). read more. create better habits (well, i think i did this one but i also acquired a few new habits that i will have to unlearn this year... hence... lose 10 pounds... again.) save more, spend less. exercise more. curse less (unless it REALLY hurts). love myself, and anyone in an arm's length radius of my heart, impeccably. play with my children more. yell less. (they are going to need to help me out a bit on that one.) compliment people more. self-depricate less. BLOG MORE (we'll see, though i hope you will check in now and again as my PLAN is to write once a week... hmmm...) write, write, write... and did i say write? overall, i can at the least very exhale as i survived the year, which is a triumph in itself considering "we were never meant to survive" anyway, per audre lorde. so i am moving into 2006 one breath, one moment at a time. present and focused. with faith and belief. with laughter. with engines on full blast. it's about time, right?

with no sweetie bubu around to kiss when the clock strikes 2006, the girlz and i have yet to figure out what we are going to do for our new year's eve celebration. i am certain, however, that plenty inhibriants and dancing will be involved. hopefully no dick clark or BET, which would mean we are in the house and missing out on putting on our flyest gear, strolling on 6th in weather far too warm for december, and enjoying what it means to be alive. okay, not that you can't do that in a house coat, in front of the tv with a beer and a bowl of popcorn because sometimes, that's what being alive means in the moment... i'm just saying.

my life filled up this past year with a lot of new wonderful, beautiful new friends (big love to all and to chrysalis). but i feel like i lost a few, too, which pains my heart. or, maybe they aren't lost but they have certainly transitioned for reasons i am not in touch with in the moment of this writing. but i pray they have forgiving hearts for whatever failings i've had in our friendships as i continue to love them through their imperfections as well. i am merciful with myself and patient; prayerful that when our paths cross again, it will be love all the same. i am breathing through it all.

so my beauti-mous, wonder-licious peoples, i bid you and 2005 adieu. i wish you well in 2006. may you find love, wisdom and joy in every moment.

abrazos y besos,

Friday, December 23, 2005

2 posts in 2 days? wrote a song 'bout it... like ta hear it, here it go!

do you remember where you where when you first heard luther’s a house is not a home? we were living in columbus, ohio. i must have been eleven or twelve. i’m not sure if it was the first time i’d heard the song but it was, if nothing else, the first time i was affected by it; the first time i made sense of “a chair is still a chair, even when there’s no one sitting there.” it was the first time i didn’t’ say, “of course it is still a chair, silly." or, “a chair could never be a house… and a house is a home, isn’t it?” it was the year of my first real crush on a saddle shoe wearing, curly headed, green-eyed boy nicknamed tiger. it was the year of my first heartbreak because he liked michelle hayes and not me. “and when it ends, it ends in tears…”

i think that song would definitely make the score to the soundtrack of my life. we all have one. you know, the compilation of all of the songs through the years that drove you, inspired you, helped you survive to this point. and i am sure in hindsight that some of the songs may have changed because our pasts have all become fiction anyway, right? but my score is to the movie that is my life as i remember it. as i would tell it. hmmm… what would your life’s soundtrack look like? better yet, or at least more accessibly, what would your current theme song be? in this moment, what comes to mind for me is musiq soulchild’s “love.”

so many people use your name in vain
those who have faith in you sometimes go astray
through all the ups and down’s the joy and hurt
for better or worse
I still will chose you first…”

last night mere, gizzy, smiles and i hit tangerines where a band called
all u need played the hell outta some luther songs in commemoration. ( dre… lawd, lawd lawd, that child can sang!) then, cut creator took us home with his usual masterful blend of old/new skool beats. i must have lost 5 pounds. everytime i thought i was going to rest, he played something else that demanded my rump be shakin’ to it. (weeks like the ones i’ve had recently will make you need to dance.) anyway, i am nearly whispering due to over-singing last night. i mean… michael jackson (pyt), frankie beverly and maze (before i let go), and a host of others i fail to remember in the wake of tequila sunrise… songs that require your most passionate expression, be it in the voice or in the body. But the really good songs, good lyrics, make your body move reflexively, right?

where does your mind/your body go when you hear…

dig if you will the picture…
she’s a brick… house…
aaaaaa, love to love ya baby…
lovin’ you is easy cuz your beautiful, and makin’ love with you, is all i wanna do…
tell me somethin’ good… tell me that you love me, yeah…
doin’ the butt…
i wanna rock with you, all night… dance you into the sun light…
what’s my dj’s name? cut creator!
i said a-hip, a-hop, a-hibby to the hibbidy, hip hip a hoppa you don’t stop the rocka to the bang bang boogie say up jump the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie-da-be…

(you feel me?)

okay, maybe not great lyrics from all of the above but more than catchy tunes, wouldn’t you say? “the butt” inspired a whole ass shaken movement right? and not sexual movement. just appreciation of something that is signature for many of us.

i am enamored with songs (poems set to music). maybe i’ll write one someday tough i fear our limited vocabulary never fully expresses what i am really feeling, ya know. to minimize expression to verbal or written language only is a slight to the dynamism of being human. and at the same time, if we are present, words can sometimes speak worlds.

new years 2005, i sent to my beloveds the quote that follows; lyrics i first encountered in the e-signature of the brilliantly beautiful poet suheir hammad. i have tried to find something to replace them but
i can’t shake them. in fact, i don’t want to. they speak so well of all of the good i wish for anyone who reads this. if i did write a song for my beautiful, inspired and inspiring readers, as we leave the “joy and pain, sunshine and rain” of 2005, it could not be better stated than this…

"i wish you flowers, sunshine, and smiles. i wish you children that grow to make you proud. i wish
you pretty things to wear, sweet things to smell. i wish you good friends that
always treat you fair. want to wish you ribbons to tie around your hair. i wish
you truckloads of cheer, many happy y
ears. want to wish you freedom to do all
the things you love. want to wish you blessings and kindness from above. want to
wish you sunlight through the clouds. hope you laugh out loud. i wish you
--bill withers.

(thank you bill)

mucho abrazos y besos
beaucoup d’amour
love and love and more love,
shia shabazz (fa-evah, fa-evah-evah, fa-evah-evah…)

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

SHABAZZ, fa-evah, fa-evah-evah, fa-evah-evah...

i keep trying to post pics of me in my profile, so we'll see if this one works. (if not, i got a bone ta pick wit dat girl from jamaica... jameri! this pic is from the graduation ceremony at my beloved Cave Canem.

oh! and i guess i can do a quick update... i'm FINALLY DIVORCED... (again)! for those of you just tuning in, i thought the deed was done in july, only for it to be revoked and retried and... ahhhh... I'm exhaling again. and please don't get it twisted. this joy is about the rigor of the last year. sure i believe in marriage and that it can work when the right two souls meet. i have two of the most beautiful children you will ever meet and i believe i am absolutely a better person because if the years i spent in my marriage. but everything has it's time and space in the universe. for now, for this time... this space... suffice it to say that i feel like diana ross as dorothy in "the wiz" when she and michael jackson first start down the yellow brick road. remember her skip... how her arms flailed above her head? that's me right now. a girlfriend of mine and i laugh and quote andre 3000 ('fa-evah, fa-evah-evah, fa-evah-evah?!?!") yes, this time it's forever! i am free to unapologetically be ME! and all is right with the world again. i am glad to have closure before the start of the new year.

rounding out last week, i completed 2 submissions... one for Borderlands Poetry Journal and the other for the Tribeca All Access Film Program. last year, my screenplay MARMALADE, landed a finalist position. prayers and good energy into the universe for this year's entry, AWAKENING APRIL. stay tuned...

abrazos y besos,
shia SHABAZZ ... fa-evah, fa-evah-evah, fa-evah-evah!!!
Yes, I'd jump off a bridge if my friends did!

Manda-Manda tagged me so here goes...

3 screen names I have:

3 physical things I like about myself:
my large eyes (and my lengthy lashes)
my smile (mostly due to my large 2 front teeth)
my ability to love (i love well... any no i don't mean sex, people!)

3 physical things I don't like about myself:
my feet
my veiny hands
having insecurities

3 parts of my heritage:
native american

3 of my everyday essentials:
salihah-and-naim-alicious kisses (kisses from my children)
coffee (thanks to my Nana)
my horoscope

3 of my favorite musicians:
(well, the first ones that came to mind, currently in my cd player are...)
Legally Blynd ( may not know now, but you will soon)
Donnie Hathaway

3 things I want in a relationship:

3 lies:
I would NEVER do that
no, I wasn’t going to eat that
I’d love to read at your event for free

3 of my hobbies right now:
graphic design
karaoke (where no one knows me)

3 things I want to do really badly now (with a special someone):
breath lips-to-lips

3 careers I've considered doing:
dancer (jazz/african/hip hop... not POLE!)
pr consultant

3 places I would like to go on vacation to:
anywhere in south or central america

3 kid's names I like:

3 ways that I'm a stereotypical dude/lady:
i talk on the phone too much
i cry too much
i care too much about what other people think

3 people I would like to see take this quiz: