i'm back though a bit out of sorts...

i haven't written a poem in weeks, maybe months by now. (i wanna be ric williams when i grow up. he writes daily.) my horoscope keeps saying something brilliant is supposed to come outta me sometime soon. (fingers drumming on the table of my mind.) i'm trying to be patient. i am happy about getting back to this space, though. it helps. lately, life has been a reel of wonderful and amazing events that i have had no time to translate. i guess the beautiful inevitability, though, is that i preserve that thing that manages to get lost in the telling. so i move through the days with the knowing of these things in my breath, heart and memory.

my birthday made clear so many wonderful and painful things that age and change always manage to illuminate. but the rays of light shone through in some of the most beautiful spirits i am privileged to know. so my deep, sincere, loving thanks to mommaggievaldeneasarahjathiaclaudiarachelmeregizzyfrancis for bringing and sharing so much of yourselves to the ringing in of my 36th year. and MAD LOVE to firesong for the gift of your hands and the paint that made beautiful faces moreso. i am grateful... i am grateful... (pictures are coming soon.)

our new home (*smile, wipe tear, sniff*) welcomed it's share of guests these past 10 days; in honor of my birthday and because the universe made it so. denea started the propulsion of the revolving door, whipping in and out of austin from houston for my birthday and some sistafriend time. (denea, if you are reading this... we GOTTA make it more than 12 hours next time, girlfriend.) but she's the kinda friend that hours feel like years, so in our case, we feel like we've known each other WAY longer than our meeting at VONA in june. on my actual birthday (October 1st), sweetie bubu arrived just in time to make good things better and turn the flat tire we got on the way back from the airport into an adventure. his visit, this time sunday to wednesday morning, just didn't seem enough time to make up for what's not present the months in between. but i'll take a quick visit over the phone calls any day. so, again, i am grateful. no doubt the quality of our time was great enough to hold me until the next visit. (i'tll have to.) finally, my "bestest" friend since 8th grade (chawa) made her entrance just as bubu left which made bubu's and my departure drier than times prior. "chawa" and i kicked it retro in the 5 days she was here which gave me back pieces of myself that i hadn't realized were lost. she's the friend i went through my first boyfirend and kiss with; debarge and luther; the snatchback/asymmetric hairdo and washington dances. i swear i thought we were the same person until... well... we still lapse into moments of confused identity. (i am she... she is me...)

chawa left on sunday and my world is back to the quiet wonder of what it was. i am FINALLY checking email regularly again and completely and fully (p)re-occupied with my children, my momma and the ever-challenging world of kids at wooten; trying not to be desperate or too needy for all of the people i know here with their own lives to keep them busy (working from home can do that to you); trying not to sit at this computer and work myself into a coma; trying to be present and appreciative of each joint in each finger that clicks each key; trying and trying and so on... and so on...

before i go... i MUST wish a public happy (belated) birthday to my sister, Maisha (September 29th) and my brother, Saleem (September 30th) whose experiences have taken them to georgia and china, respectively. i feel like i have fought for so many years for my actual birthday to be acknowledged (on Oct. 1st, the last in the 3-day shabazz-birthday-palooza) that i realize each year we are not together, how very much i miss them. what i wouldn't have given to have a big cake with all of our names on it. so much love... so little time. shout to the abundance of virgo/libra/scorpios i know who have been/will be celebrating... CHEERS!

always love,
shia