supa FLY ... supa FLUSTERED
can the two co-exist? yes!!!

life these days is filled with contradiction and a whole lotta noticable juxtaposition. acceptance and accomplishment lives in the same space as rejection and illumination of my short-comings. it can make my supa FLY feel supa FLUSTERED, and vice versa. i've felt a bit of both lately.

all in all tho, this past week has been a BLAST! the moments will be dog-earred as some of the most memorable pages in the book that is my life.

last sunday, i actually made it to and through my performance, Moments We Know. the process was SO interesting. i learned so many truths about myself (which put to rest so many of the lies i believed from people who haven't known how to love me). and i learned so many more truths thru the people who showed up (physically and figuratively). that's not to in any way accost or accuse anyone who didn't make it. (REALLY!) but i am SO grateful to those who fed me during the weeks/days/hours leading up to the show and to those who walked with me through it. and the talk-back was fascinating, to hear what resonated with people and which words/poems/thoughts prompted questions/observations/interest. i was glad to see it come... and go. it was the scariest and most exciting thing i've done since birthing my first child. all of the pains and pleasures of the experience lived in my body. and though there were many guides and coaches around to give love and support (for whom i am immensely grateful), the actual labor and birthing process were mine to bear. and it felt like a big ole baby! but it came out beautifully flawed and healthy, all major pieces intact. and i, like any new parent, am exhausted and amazed that i gave birth to such a glorious gift and gave it to the world.

sweetie bubu came in for the performance which created a-whole-nother level of anxiety and love. his brief but completely fulfilling visit made the longing for him as a part of my daily life more intense. but it also made the knowing more intense. soon...

in the week that followed i got to see my favorite smith brothers, "E" and "jubu", working it out with rhianna and maze, respectively. wading through clamoring fans at the kanye/rhianna concert, was mtv personality sway calloway, who, as it turns out, i DO know. (i've said it for years... "i KNOW that cat!") when i stopped him, he said the same thing ("i know you!") and we realized we go waaaaay back... relating thru an ex of mine, who's kin of his. anyhoo, movin' and shakin' in a town that usually stands still for me was a very cool.

this week i am back at work, but no longer working on the supa fly project i was working on. it ended... but i'm STILL EMPLOYED and ecstatic about that! but it feels like i've slowed from 110 mph to 10 mph. which in some ways is cool; but in others can be extremely frustrating. i guess i should be thankful for the breather while i have it.

anyway, i also found out that i didn't get into a program that i was told i was a "shoe-in" for. i'm taking it well, which is good. but i really hate the rejection thing. there are twinges of doubt/insecurity flaring like pimple in my mind. was it my age? why am i not a fit? is it because i am no longer a student? is it... (a la martin lawrence in Boomerang)...racial? (LOL) anyway, i guess the bottom line is that it just wasn't my time for the program. oh well... but i'm waiting to hear back from a coupla other things that i submitted to. wish me luck. better yet, put in a prayer and a bit of positive energy for me... that it is my time!

overall, my children are brilliant, i'm relatively healthy (save the re-injury of an ankle sprain or foot-something that i refuse to have treated... when are we gonna get every american insured around this mutha? obama... where you at?) my job's going well, sweetie bubu still loves me, i haven't lost all of my friends and i am still determined to keep love as the order of the day... i'd say life is very good. kisses, kinks and all...

Al[l]ways Love...
*MUAH*
shia