i found my heart in boston…

my younger brother asked me months ago to do the honor of officiating his wedding... yes, like the character joey on the sitcom “friends.” okay, bad example. but you know… the official person who says, “two people should not enter into marriage unadvisedly…” and “is there any one who objects; let them speak now…” and “do you take her… do you take him…” and "you may now kiss the person you will live with and commit to loving for the rest of your days.” once i finally stopped laughing… then crying… to realize he was serious, i agreed and accepted the challenge. no matter where you are, or where you think you are, in your life, somehow, when or if you are ever asked to perform a role anywhere remotely similar to that of an imam, minister, rabbi, WHATEVER, it’ll make you rethink your whole constitution. to think that my brother and his fiancée thought my love and understanding great enough, even with my impending divorce (at the time), that I could actually deliver words to walk into this new life with… WHAT an honor. what an honor.

that’s what my trip to boston was about in the first place. and i have to say that any and all of the struggle i experienced around the trip could never have overshadowed the wonderful event that took place. his request is the kind that makes one feel the kind of deep connection we strive for in this life. to feel understood and have someone know that you understand. what an honor and a privilege. what a journey. and i guess no lesson happens without challenge. rainbows don’t happen without rain. shoes don’t shine without polish. muscles don’t form without work. i didn’t realize how much muscle i was growing on this journey until the rigor of this weekend.

from the very start, logan airport in boston was bad news. we arrived in boston at midnight on friday morning (7/15). my younger sister’s pick-up attempt, that began at least an hour prior, never landed her at the airport. boston streets warp in ways that make driving no easy task, even for locals. they circle around squares and detour into road rage, honking horns, lineless lanes and confusion. it looks very much like what i imagine driving in another country must look like. if you ever visit, expect to get lost at least twice per outing, even with directions.

by the time my brother and his fiancée arrived just after 1:30am, my children were delirious with the kind of sleepiness that had them in a raucous of clashing luggage carts and running like banshees from pillar to post. all i could muster toward these once beautifully behaved sweeities was a strained glare and threats i hadn’t the strength to commit to. before we left, we picked up one of the bridesmaids from another baggage claim area. then, like a circus act, all six of us piled into the honda civic and headed back to the chaos of boston streets that eventually led us to my brother’s house. there, a groomsman, my other brother and my three-year-old nephew, another bridesmaid, and two cats clamored for space and sleep under fans in the humidity of boston in july.

the waking hours of friday found most of us recovering from jet lag. (do you get jet lag traveling east to west or west to east, or both?) congested, my brother’s house was crawling with people and congested with suitcases, wedding gifts and miscellaneous wedding preparation supplies. by 11am, we headed to the beautifully organized bridal shower at the posh birch street bistro in roslindale village put on by the bride’s sister and friends. while my brother, dad, and several groomsmen went to fenway for day’s red sox game, the next few hours found various assortments of us in a beauty shop for eyebrow waxing, getting nails "did", getting a new do for my daughter (the flower girl), me--working and re-working the sermon for the wedding, and in a nearly too-late dash to sears for dress shoes for my son… whew!

we slept that night at the hotel with my brother’s mother (my dad’s second ex-wife) and my younger sister. after what felt like way too little sleep, we woke the next morning, dressed in a hurry and drove to the campsite where the wedding was to be held. for a person used to “traditional” weddings, this whole thing was a new venture for me. i waded most of the morning through the words i had prepared for offering to my brother and his wife-to-be. the day’s weather was perfect. the bright sky and soft rippling lake just over the lodge's balcony (where the ceremony would take place) played well with the periwinkle satin of vests and ties accenting the groomsmen's tuxedos. beautiful bride and bridesmaids. and me in a very open head and heart space, ready to meet the challenge of officiating the marriage between my brother and his fiancée.

as i paced the reception area, going over my notes and trying to commit at least the rhythm to memory, a gust of wind blew the figurine of my brother off of the top of the cake. my first fearful thought was that it was some kind of omen. that is, until i saw my brother who seemed like putty on a warm day. the entire morning, he struggled unsuccessfully with holding back his tears; to keep himself "together." he and i are like spirits. highly emotional libras always accused of being overly sensitive and wimpy. needless to say there were bets from our family on who would break down first. and, whether or not i’d even make it through the wedding sermon. but when the figurine fell, i knew i had to muster everything i could to support him. and when i went to the space where my brother and the groomsmen put on their final touches, my brother looked away from my loving gaze with pensive welling eyes. i knew i needed to breathe and anchor myself in preparation to steady the boat on the waters of this day for him. weddings always manage to bring out the best and worst in people. but no matter the family drama that always does manage to play itself out in the days leading up to the wedding (this one included), on this day, the beautiful ceremony managed to overshadow all. suffice it to say the ceremony went extremely well. and the universe undoubtedly delivers us to the places and spaces we need to be in when we need to learn particular lessons about ourselves and about our lives.

my aunt’s sweetie man friend and his band played all of the music for the wedding. another gift that made this wedding amazing. and they played as we ate brunch: a buffet of cheese eggs, grits, turkey sausage, turkey bacon, belgian waffles, and your choice of home fries or hash browns. and for those needing food that was more lunch than breakfast, there was chicken, pasta and tossed green salad. this was the first time i’ve had breakfast at a wedding. it was brilliant.

after the wedding, the willing ones of us went to the lake in borrowed swimsuits and hotel towels, took the party to the lake and jumped in. the happy couple returned to their car, now bedecked in wedding wishes, large lip prints and announcements like “just hitched.” around sunset, we all caravanned back to our hotels and planned out our evenings, for those able to muster the strength to head out again. i crashed. and for the next couple of nights, spent time with my dad and my brothers to make up for time lost and away.

my deepest and most sincere thanks to my brother saleem and my new sister-in-law beth for inviting me to participate in this journey with them. even further, i appreciate the invitation to push me beyond myself to realize things about myself i forgot i’d had… critical things i didn’t even know i needed. i am still wading through all of what i learned about myself, my family, my world in that day. but i know i am forever changed by it in ways i haven’t even discovered yet. i did realize that despite the rigors of divorce, my heart is intact and beating stronger than ever. i also realized that loving is who i am so how could anything take away from that. i am grateful for the loving that i witnessed between my brother and his beautiful wife. and i am grateful for the loving that has happened in my life, that brought my children to this world, and that keeps me going. for the love that i inhale and exhale. (breathe...) i am thankful for every jolt that woke me up. for every kiss of wind that sends me to rest to endure another day, another lesson.