in the mourning

i have been in the throes of emotional turbulence this week. writing in this blog with any (daily) regularity proves a challenge on so many levels. but most immediately, it’s hard for me to forge the kind of time i want/need to pen my opinions and concerns, thoughts and feelings in an honest and thoughtful way (and not just in a way that makes you all like me… really like me). ;-) but in the honesty and reality of my joys and pains. this is my freefall and my fluttering flight to and through life. i want to use this space to challenge myself toward the kind of courage it takes to stand vunerably near nude in the imperfection of my six-years-post-baby fat, surgical scars and still seething emotional/physical/spiritual wounds. the amount of material i want/need to cover over this past week alone overwhelms my spirit. luther. terrorist attacks on london. my recently finalized divorce. (now, as i’ve written them in succession like that, there is a “death” theme happening. maybe i should go with that. the death of people. things. of legends. of people on subways and a double-decker bus. of a marriage. and the memories; what remains in the wake.) a part of my problem, right now is too much thought. so, i will click away from this space of mourning and see what comes out in my testimony.

luther and
so amazing and
superstar and
if this world were mine ...
i would place at your feet all that i own
luther, you been so good to me... and
give me a reason and
there’s nothing better than love (WORD!) and
a house is not a home and
so many other songs that inspired love-making and conception
and the mending of marriages and
houses that are no longer homes in london and
fatherless/motherless children whose parents
were simply going to work and
parents in pain over the deaths of their children
and the peril of this world and
break downs and
break ups and
loneliness and
court and
testimony and
tears and
time and
fear and
wounds and
fear and
healing and
that’s all i have your honor

exhale… wow, that felt good. i also feel a bit queasy and at the brink of tears which means that’s enough for now. maybe at lunch, i’ll go have a good cry. that always helps.

abrazos y besos...
shiaSHABAZZ (still grooven...)